The Gypsy in Me.

I love driving.  

Sometimes I see myself....
Cranking up the tunes - from Carole King, Cat Stevens, to the 80's  Boy Bands, even Big Bands from my moms day.........headed across country with a bunch of money and no plans. Just drive and groove.
I would stay in nice places and eat clean healthy food.
I would visit libraries, monuments, temples and shop at thrift stores.

Some days would be spent dozing in the sun pool side, and every day would be shared with lots of people. I would ask questions, share stories with all willing to tell them and hear them.
Taking pictures, watching softball games, scouting out farms just for the memory of my young days would highlight my travel.

Avoiding malls, big grocery stores and other crazy places would be a serious goal.

Just give me some bucks and I could go.... and keep going until the bucks run out.

Someone just tell me why I have this gypsy thing running through my veins.
Why do I love the open road, small little towns and big cities where I could get lost and not even care.
Funny, I don't want to see Hawaii, or even Disneyland... like everyone else.

It is certain I will never become this gypsy person for real,
however in my dreams, there is no stopping me:)

The Story

Stories if never told are never known.
And so it goes......
Because LIFE is a story*** Indeed a history of ones very existence Must be told.

Important memories fade into sunsets that never burst into beams of flowing light
if not repeated.
O, for mornings, reminding us a new day has dawned, a new page on our
story is beginning
to fill up and over flow.

Imagine the wise men basking in the new born light of the Son of God, the shepherds
reveling in being so close to the Redeemer of all mankind,
yet went back to their assigned tasks,
forgetting to tell their story, His story.

Consider medical histories,
flight documents... all technology that has overpowered our
lives with information.
We earthlings have countless amounts of recorded information
to bless, protect
and inspire future generations.

What does this mean to me and others?
It means MY story is important.
It means I exist.
I am of value.
What I know and more importantly
what I DO with my story,
my empty book at birth, matters.
My story changes everything and everyone.

Recording who I am is vital and so is
accounting for others.

I am not a history buff, genius, or
devoted to ancient makings of the nation
and world as my husband.
It is his passion and love,
but from a different angle to be sure.

Don't make me read or teach from
two inch hard backs, of how the west was won.
Just sit me down face to face
with a soul I can learn from, connect with
and be a witness for, Ahhh a harmonious cord is struck deep within.

O, Value is in the eye of our Creator. In the ... heart, mind, flesh and belly .
Here in lies ::THE STORY

Hannah from Nigeria

I saw her walking through the circle of water where the current is against the walk
I asked if she came each day
Yes, she does
Yes, she loves the water

and she told me more.....

She is the only black woman at the Rec center
She has 5 sons who take good care of her and often
Her husband left when her youngest child was 9 years old
He is now 29
She has 14 grandchildren


She has worked as a C.N.A in Hospice and Home Health for years
She has a bad back now
She loves people, all people, with all she has
She will take me with her to Nigeria

She loves Heavenly Father and Jesus.
She said when we love others we are loving >Them
She gave me a hug
She looked deep in my eyes as we walked through the pool
She repeated her love for her Heavenly Father and her family

She is Hannah from Nigeria, and we are sisters

Creative Lying / Lecture to Myself

This is about making the most of the time you have left.
About saying and doing the things that matter without causing more confusion and worry.

Since coming to grips with my mother's terminal illness, knowing it may take years to finalize,
I have realized that telling her the truth all the time is not in her best interest.

Example one: Mom: "Don't lock the door, I don't have a key"
Me: "Yes you do it's in your purse"
Mom: "Where I don't see it"
Me: "In the zipper part where your coins are"
Mom: "How do you know that"
(getting a bit irritated now) (both of us, sadly, because this conversation has taken place so many times)
Me: "Let me show you" and I do......
FIVE SECONDS LATER IT STARTS OVER AGAIN>>>>>

New conversation example: Mom: "Don't lock the door, I don't have a key"
Me: " Okay" (but I did lock the door and keys are everywhere)
end of conversation, she is happy.

Are you surprised at this true confession?
I am more interested in always being truthful so it has been a challenge to learn the art of creative lying to my mom.

One more illustration for effect or affect (?) those words always confuse me. I have to look them up to see which one I want to use. But not today, maybe both definitions apply.

Me: "Mom, I am going to take you to Linda's now for dinner"
then she will bring you home". Tom will be coming to visit
when you get back" (too much info at once)
Mom: "How do you know that I am invited to Linda's"
Me: " It is Sunday and you are always invited to Linda's on
Sunday for dinner"
Mom: "How will I get home" "Is the door locked?"
Me: (the really stupid me) " Someone will bring you"
Mom: "Then I will be alone" :( sadness)
Me: (still the really stupid me) "No you won't be alone Tom will be
probably be here when you get home and Nan too.
Mom: "I wonder what I will do alone when you are gone"
Me: "I promise you won't be alone, Someone will be here"
Mom: "How do you know" ..."How will I get home?"
Me: (the smarter me) "Linda will bring you home for sure"
Mom: "Linda will bring me home?" "How will we get in my house"
Me: "Yes, Linda will bring you home and stay with you
" "The door is not locked"

The door IS locked, keys everywhere and with everyone. But the most important thing is she has gleaned what she can understand and process.
The information Highway has been hijacked and the hunt is on for ways to be one step ahead of the criminal traversing her mind.
I can tell you it is almost impossible.
After one interesting conversation between the two of us where we locked horns,
I said "Mom, I am sorry I have been a bit of a pill, I really love you. "She said, Honey, it's fine, you have always been a bit of a pill since you were knee high to a grasshopper and I am fine" I just don't worry about it and I really love you"

Saying things like "I told you"......
OR "Remember mom .....
OR the most painful to her is saying thinks such as :
"OK we will take the dog (or whatever it is) so you don't say over and over and over again " Where is my_____? Did I bring my _______?

Memory loss with Alzheimer's takes away the newest memory.
Within 15 minutes of the family being gone on Christmas day
(about 30 people)
she had no idea we had just had a huge noisy messy Christmas.

Some may believe that since Creative Lying is okay in my book, then, some other forms of lack of genuine caring are okay as well because she will forget right away.
What she does not forget is her perception of how others feel about her.

I would say that is a trait of human nature that sticks with us unto death and into the next life.

Since we are our brother's keeper and we have been instructed to care for the sick, widows and fatherless....etc, it would make sense to follow that teaching with all our hearts and for the right reason.
Giving a gift because you have to is not a well received gift.
Giving the gift of resounding Christ like Love is the gift of selfless service.

Having been given the gift of life itself by our Creator, our Father and our God reminds us
of the true and proper way to give to each other.
With full purpose of heart.

Creative lying means keeping your values and principles without causing any distress
to the ill person with Alzheimer's.
Creative lying means protecting the tender childlike emotions of the Alzheimer's
patient, because some things are not worth the confusion the truth will cause.
IN MY ATTEMPT TO REMEMBER ALL OF THIS
HERE IT IS IN PRINT~!

^^YOU Raise ME UP^^

In the words of Josh Groban
"You Raise Me Up"

When I am down and Oh my soul so weary, when troubles come and my heart burdened be,
then I am still... and wait here in silence
until you come and sit a while with me.
You raise me up~!

.......I am strong when I am on your shoulders,
You raise me up to more than I can be.

Alzheimer's patients are counting on US for just that.
Now trouble has come
Hearts feel burdened
They wait, often in silence, for us to come and sit a while
there by, is the raising up!


“Blessed be the Lord, which hath not left thee this day without kinsman … and a nourisher of thine old age.” (Ruth 4:14–15)

“It won’t be easy, but it will be one of the choicest experiences you will ever share as a family, and you will be pleasantly surprised at the blessings that will come.”
(Joy Saunders Lundberg)

Love

Kindness

Sharing

Engaging

Laughing

Assisting

Protecting

Redirecting

Empathizing

Confirming

Reassuring

all in a day and a life

knowing I will never be perfect at it.

Come what may and LOVE it

Joseph B. Worthlin

Comfort Care

Since we are souls with spirits and bodies, I imagine myself faced with Alzheimer's Disease and know in my soul that my spirit would long for home.... Eternal home.
My body would be no longer be important to house my spirit or carry my soul through experiences I won't understand or have the ability to care about.

"Observance means first of all listening and looking carefully at what is being revealed in the suffering. An intent to heal can get in the way of seeing."
Thomas Moore from the book "Care of The Soul"

There are many ways to interpret that comment.

I just pose two questions:

Is it moral, Is it right to provide Comfort Cares only for a person in moderate stage of Alzheimer's who prays continually and ask others to pray the same prayer...To Be set free. To leave her mortal body, joining her beloved mother and father. For her soul to have the peace it desires?

If there is a lesson for others to learn, can it not be one of a level of Charity and Compassion not yet realized?

The Point of The Mountain

The Point of the Mountain, as two neighboring counties call the curved freeway where the prison sits on one side and a gravel quarry on the other is somewhat of a landmark.
It is a Paragliding paradise, especially if one does not land on the wrong side of the point.

Recently as I was approaching the Point of the Mountain on I 215, the sky become darker, the wind picked up, then snow flurries appeared.
Not much more than to tell about getting around the point that day
...then there are other days and nights.

When snow falls and temperatures drop in the counties north and south of the point I plan on the point being treacherous. It is close to the point where I have prayed fast and furious for help to make it to the other side.
At times considered turning back if possible or pulling over and waiting it out for fear of a serious consequence.

I have traveled this path hundreds of times and so far made it safely through to the other side, always knowing there are
fellow travelers, incident management teams
as well as emergency responders who can rescue
long enough to
get me back on my path.

I am headed towards a different Point, with my mother
who has
Alzheimer's disease.
We share this journey, yet each headed for
very different outcomes.

Times are frightening and stressful, with no way to back out or turn around
The bleak moments are as though we are surrounded in a
white out, not able to see what lies ahead.
The truth is, neither of us wants to struggle through the maze of
insecurity and the feelings of being alone on the path around the point.

Having been on this "road" before, I see it has changed...the weather
is off and on, clear then foggy.
Yet my resolve has never been more intense. My understanding of what must be, has been written in my heart.

Those who travel with us will find God is leading the way.
We are not forging new territory really...
however foreign it may feel.
We do have tender mercies of the incident management and rescue teams,
as well as fellow travelers who will gently set us back
on the path to eternal rest.

Come along for the ride, if you would like.
I forsee a bright, clear, longed for view as
we get around the bend and past the pain.
I see many joys, laughs, and sincere hours of
abounding Love, melding our hearts together forever
erasing the sorrow we thought would break us apart.