Jeanie and Georgie Girl

In a letter written to me by my friend Jeanie, in 1999, are these words....

"Miss you coming to tea- "

In the one year we lived in Bullhead City Arizona, Jeanie became one of my dearest friends.

She was 79 years old then, and died a few years after we moved to Pleasant Grove.

Many happy moments were spent sitting at her kitchen table in her small yet clean trailer, drinking herbal tea. We both loved this simple treat, often nibbling a cookie or two as we discussed the trials and joys of our lives. She encouraged me, a younger mother with different trials than hers. I can still see her face as she smiled with her hand reaching across the table to pat mine...thus gifting me a portion of her spirit.

I learned great details of her dear family, her childhood and earlier life, her aches and pains, and enormous blessings. Jeanie's dog, Georgie Girl, was huge...but someone forgot to tell her. Much to Jeanie's delight she thought she was a lap dog.

Jeanie helped everyone she could, driving to doctor appointments, visiting the sick and lonely, taking food to anyone she thought of...and personally greeted each person walking into Relief Society every Sunday.

Dear Jeanie created (old style) cut and paste handouts each week to accompany the lesson. This would take hours of cutting out the flowers or birds and such of old greeting cards and stationary then pasting them to a folded half sheet of paper. She then added a hand written message adding a scripture in direct relationship to the lesson for 35-40 sisters each week.

She went to Young Women's and Primary to be sure each sister got her message.... hand made with great love and dedication to her calling. Her calling was Relief Society Greeter, and so it was she greeted> and then greeted some more, abundantly.

After church, Jeanie went to the sisters homes who were not able to attend that day and delivered their message of hope and peace.

Simple acts of kindness, simple talks over herbal tea, simple visits and humble serving have brought me to a better understanding of true Charity. 

Jeanie was a beacon of God's light, a shinning example of the extra mile and the purpose of being a true disciple of Christ. She gave more than was asked, blessed more than was expected and more importantly she loved without judgment.

I watched and listened as she slowly hobbled along the path of righteousness. Her body weak and joints screaming, she sang the song of redeeming Love.

Jeanie and Georgie Girl are among my sweetest memories deep in the bottom of my LeafyTeaPot.

 It could always be worse

When I know someone is praying for me, I tend to care more about what I am doing, watch my 

 my thoughts and even actions. I take inventory of my attitude, adjusting it as needed. 

Yet my own perspective is so veiled and limited ...of myself of course. 

I see through my own mind and feel through my own heart. I can't know what others see, exactly.

How will I know if the changes I make, if any, are good enough, are of benefit?
Can I make life "better" for all in my circle of influence
including myself.
 

Relying on my own vision of reality often is an unsure mountain. Rocks are tumbling down in my path, sharp rugged edges leading to valleys below, so I ask, why did I come this way. I wonder if I should have chosen different. 

But choosing is what I did, and do, in order to end up ....somewhere. 

Somewhere good, happy, loving, peaceful, beautiful, and shared.

I wonder if all of those "places" are already on my path and I see only the falling rocks and jagged edges?
Is it possible to climb so fast or so slow or with only one focus, I miss the segments of joy....set before me by God? 

I had a patient for a few years who was blind, one comment that was made regularly by this individual was 

"It could always be worse". 

The trials besetting this patient were overwhelming and I was thankful I did not have that set of obstacles. 

At least for today.... I will raise my head a little higher, walk away from pain as if it were just a tiny bug coming my way with no intention of biting me.... I will look into the eyes of whomever I talk to and look for something I have never seen before.... I will ask God to open a crack of the window of Heaven and teach me deeply.
Tomorrow, as we all know is another day....
And if I were blind, I would not see the rocks coming my way, I would not observe visually, the sharp edges. 
I hope I would feel the warm sun, the steady arm of the one leading the way, and all the while 
realizing "it really could be worse" ...
but today, IT isn't. 

 

There's no way to know.... unless you know~!

We can stand on the edge of a hill, gaze into an ocean vast deep and powerful.

We can watch someone in pain with brokenness of spirit or body, even of soul.

Driving we look in our rear view mirror, see faces, laughing, singing, yelling, staring.

Then there are the faces before us, doing the same things, just like us.

We can read about a far away land, learn a language, follow a Greek recipe, visit an art museum.

We could even paint a sail boat, eat tomatoes, watch a preacher on television.

Walking along a side walk we will see children, mothers, fathers, grandparents, pets.

In airports we find sweethearts, missionaries, lonely travelers, weaving through so many others.

Souls on a journey, seeing but not hearing, hearing but not seeing, talking but not listening.

Hoping, wishing, praying, reaching, sharing, pleading, lending, pushing, hugging..................

How do we know the things we don't know? How can we trust what we see is real?

How does the sun set and the moon rise, the skin repair, hearts mend, people leave?

There is just no way to feel ...... unless..... You Feel~!

 There is just no way to care..... unless..... You Care~!

  There is just no way to know..... unless .... You Know~!

Life is about the learning, loving, understanding, feeling, following your good heart. 
Nothing is too hard, no road to long, no energy wasted if it is for the cause of Love. 

There is just no way to know how to love....unless....You Love~!
Then.........You Know~!  Then....... You Feel.....  Then..... You Care~!

The Gypsy in Me.

I love driving.  

Sometimes I see myself....
Cranking up the tunes - from Carole King, Cat Stevens, to the 80's  Boy Bands, even Big Bands from my moms day.........headed across country with a bunch of money and no plans. Just drive and groove.
I would stay in nice places and eat clean healthy food.
I would visit libraries, monuments, temples and shop at thrift stores.

Some days would be spent dozing in the sun pool side, and every day would be shared with lots of people. I would ask questions, share stories with all willing to tell them and hear them.
Taking pictures, watching softball games, scouting out farms just for the memory of my young days would highlight my travel.

Avoiding malls, big grocery stores and other crazy places would be a serious goal.

Just give me some bucks and I could go.... and keep going until the bucks run out.

Someone just tell me why I have this gypsy thing running through my veins.
Why do I love the open road, small little towns and big cities where I could get lost and not even care.
Funny, I don't want to see Hawaii, or even Disneyland... like everyone else.

It is certain I will never become this gypsy person for real,
however in my dreams, there is no stopping me:)

The Story

Stories if never told are never known.
And so it goes......
Because LIFE is a story*** Indeed a history of ones very existence Must be told.

Important memories fade into sunsets that never burst into beams of flowing light
if not repeated.
O, for mornings, reminding us a new day has dawned, a new page on our
story is beginning
to fill up and over flow.

Imagine the wise men basking in the new born light of the Son of God, the shepherds
reveling in being so close to the Redeemer of all mankind,
yet went back to their assigned tasks,
forgetting to tell their story, His story.

Consider medical histories,
flight documents... all technology that has overpowered our
lives with information.
We earthlings have countless amounts of recorded information
to bless, protect
and inspire future generations.

What does this mean to me and others?
It means MY story is important.
It means I exist.
I am of value.
What I know and more importantly
what I DO with my story,
my empty book at birth, matters.
My story changes everything and everyone.

Recording who I am is vital and so is
accounting for others.

I am not a history buff, genius, or
devoted to ancient makings of the nation
and world as my husband.
It is his passion and love,
but from a different angle to be sure.

Don't make me read or teach from
two inch hard backs, of how the west was won.
Just sit me down face to face
with a soul I can learn from, connect with
and be a witness for, Ahhh a harmonious cord is struck deep within.

O, Value is in the eye of our Creator. In the ... heart, mind, flesh and belly .
Here in lies ::THE STORY

Hannah from Nigeria

I saw her walking through the circle of water where the current is against the walk
I asked if she came each day
Yes, she does
Yes, she loves the water

and she told me more.....

She is the only black woman at the Rec center
She has 5 sons who take good care of her and often
Her husband left when her youngest child was 9 years old
He is now 29
She has 14 grandchildren


She has worked as a C.N.A in Hospice and Home Health for years
She has a bad back now
She loves people, all people, with all she has
She will take me with her to Nigeria

She loves Heavenly Father and Jesus.
She said when we love others we are loving >Them
She gave me a hug
She looked deep in my eyes as we walked through the pool
She repeated her love for her Heavenly Father and her family

She is Hannah from Nigeria, and we are sisters

Creative Lying / Lecture to Myself

This is about making the most of the time you have left.
About saying and doing the things that matter without causing more confusion and worry.

Since coming to grips with my mother's terminal illness, knowing it may take years to finalize,
I have realized that telling her the truth all the time is not in her best interest.

Example one: Mom: "Don't lock the door, I don't have a key"
Me: "Yes you do it's in your purse"
Mom: "Where I don't see it"
Me: "In the zipper part where your coins are"
Mom: "How do you know that"
(getting a bit irritated now) (both of us, sadly, because this conversation has taken place so many times)
Me: "Let me show you" and I do......
FIVE SECONDS LATER IT STARTS OVER AGAIN>>>>>

New conversation example: Mom: "Don't lock the door, I don't have a key"
Me: " Okay" (but I did lock the door and keys are everywhere)
end of conversation, she is happy.

Are you surprised at this true confession?
I am more interested in always being truthful so it has been a challenge to learn the art of creative lying to my mom.

One more illustration for effect or affect (?) those words always confuse me. I have to look them up to see which one I want to use. But not today, maybe both definitions apply.

Me: "Mom, I am going to take you to Linda's now for dinner"
then she will bring you home". Tom will be coming to visit
when you get back" (too much info at once)
Mom: "How do you know that I am invited to Linda's"
Me: " It is Sunday and you are always invited to Linda's on
Sunday for dinner"
Mom: "How will I get home" "Is the door locked?"
Me: (the really stupid me) " Someone will bring you"
Mom: "Then I will be alone" :( sadness)
Me: (still the really stupid me) "No you won't be alone Tom will be
probably be here when you get home and Nan too.
Mom: "I wonder what I will do alone when you are gone"
Me: "I promise you won't be alone, Someone will be here"
Mom: "How do you know" ..."How will I get home?"
Me: (the smarter me) "Linda will bring you home for sure"
Mom: "Linda will bring me home?" "How will we get in my house"
Me: "Yes, Linda will bring you home and stay with you
" "The door is not locked"

The door IS locked, keys everywhere and with everyone. But the most important thing is she has gleaned what she can understand and process.
The information Highway has been hijacked and the hunt is on for ways to be one step ahead of the criminal traversing her mind.
I can tell you it is almost impossible.
After one interesting conversation between the two of us where we locked horns,
I said "Mom, I am sorry I have been a bit of a pill, I really love you. "She said, Honey, it's fine, you have always been a bit of a pill since you were knee high to a grasshopper and I am fine" I just don't worry about it and I really love you"

Saying things like "I told you"......
OR "Remember mom .....
OR the most painful to her is saying thinks such as :
"OK we will take the dog (or whatever it is) so you don't say over and over and over again " Where is my_____? Did I bring my _______?

Memory loss with Alzheimer's takes away the newest memory.
Within 15 minutes of the family being gone on Christmas day
(about 30 people)
she had no idea we had just had a huge noisy messy Christmas.

Some may believe that since Creative Lying is okay in my book, then, some other forms of lack of genuine caring are okay as well because she will forget right away.
What she does not forget is her perception of how others feel about her.

I would say that is a trait of human nature that sticks with us unto death and into the next life.

Since we are our brother's keeper and we have been instructed to care for the sick, widows and fatherless....etc, it would make sense to follow that teaching with all our hearts and for the right reason.
Giving a gift because you have to is not a well received gift.
Giving the gift of resounding Christ like Love is the gift of selfless service.

Having been given the gift of life itself by our Creator, our Father and our God reminds us
of the true and proper way to give to each other.
With full purpose of heart.

Creative lying means keeping your values and principles without causing any distress
to the ill person with Alzheimer's.
Creative lying means protecting the tender childlike emotions of the Alzheimer's
patient, because some things are not worth the confusion the truth will cause.
IN MY ATTEMPT TO REMEMBER ALL OF THIS
HERE IT IS IN PRINT~!