Training a Child

As mothers and fathers we look forward to the day we can get our toddler out of diapers and into underwear. 

I know we even celebrate those moments when the wee ones brush their teeth and do a good job at it, alone. 

I remember well, the thrill of watching them take a step with NO assistance, then soon running all over the place. 

When children make a sandwich, sweep the floor or make their bed....celebrations occur, if even in our minds. 

However, there are no cheers, no celebrations or family members called to share the moments when our "failing nicely" parents begin the journey of wearing pull-ups, not brushing their teeth without assistance and walking only with assistance. 

Once they forget how to make a sandwich or that there IS actually  food in the house no one gets the call saying that day has come. 

Long time friends, family, home, even scripture become foreign and most unsettling, but we throw no parties for such events. 

Of course we don't, that would be rather disgusting, as if to poke fun. 

This path of retuning home to Father is a path of Dignity and great respect. One where we honor their decline with kindness, graciousness and understanding.

When walking home alone in the dark we look for the lights, the way, a reminder of where we are headed. 

We must now provide the light, the way and the reminder of where they are headed, with joy....

I know someday, it will be MY turn to walk the journey home.

 The days are changing as well as the nights. 

Just as with our children, no two are the same. 

There is no reason to worry, fret or despair really, because it is just a journey, one of many, different from all the rest. 

And yet just the same. 

 

 

Pray like you mean it~! 

     At times I get lazy when it comes to talking to my Heavenly Father. I close my eyes, bow my head and assume my heart knows what it wants to say and will take over. Often I find myself waking up half our later, rather twisted into a contortion I could most likely not do when fully awake and very disappointed. 

     To combat this righteous fatigue,  I now take on a rather unique style which promise's NO sleeping. No need to go into huge detail, let's just say, it works, and I know my prayers are more full and complete as well as received.

     How do I know this you ask...? Because I feel Father's warmth and caring. The spiritual time during my day extends beyond my meditation time.

     Trial and error is what life is all about, right. Full of fancy words and abilities as well as disabilities.  Time and more time to get things right, to put into practice HIS will and HIS LOVE. 

     Using each second of life seems like a noble idea, as in using up the gas in my car. Sitting in a can in the garage gas eventually only becomes vapor. My life is full of seconds that vaporize. What I do with my seconds does not.    Using up my mind and heart is the message Father has been slipping into my soul this week. 

      Don't spend your time Kathy, Use it...... dish it up and dish it out wear it out and use it up> In his Holy service. Be too tired to complain, to weary to worry and keep HIS Face in your minds eye NOT your own face. You can never see your own face in the flesh either ~!

HEAVENLY MESSAGE

Waking at 4:30 am to find the longed for swallow of pure lovely tap water unavailable is slightly unnerving. Add to the equation an elderly mother in your care who does not quite understand why the toilet won't flush and asks is there a place to get a drink ... somewhere.
Panic rose inside my unprepared mortal being filling my head with "I should haves". 

The emergent need was water. At 5:45 I told mother I was going just around the corner to buy some gallons of water. She seemed to understand and stayed in bed. By the time I left the third CLOSED store, I was beginning to grasp the idea of being prepared, albeit on a small scale to say the least.

Oh, Thank Heaven for 7-11. (just happens to be my date of birth:) mmmm I should have gone there first. 

Three gallons @ $1.99 each and I am back headed for home. After all three went, literally down the toilet, I needed more. 

"Sheesh" flashes through my brain, and then "Oh my Heck", common sentiments in times of despair when I would rather not swear. Off to a sisters house to beg, borrow, bum, or steal (as we used to say). Kindly they let me HAVE, lots. including unopened drinking water. 

Moral of the story>Note to self: Get a grip, get a clue, get on board, get it together and for Heaven's Sake.... Get Prepared ~! 

nuff said, right:0  

Jeanie and Georgie Girl

In a letter written to me by my friend Jeanie, in 1999, are these words....

"Miss you coming to tea- "

In the one year we lived in Bullhead City Arizona, Jeanie became one of my dearest friends.

She was 79 years old then, and died a few years after we moved to Pleasant Grove.

Many happy moments were spent sitting at her kitchen table in her small yet clean trailer, drinking herbal tea. We both loved this simple treat, often nibbling a cookie or two as we discussed the trials and joys of our lives. She encouraged me, a younger mother with different trials than hers. I can still see her face as she smiled with her hand reaching across the table to pat mine...thus gifting me a portion of her spirit.

I learned great details of her dear family, her childhood and earlier life, her aches and pains, and enormous blessings. Jeanie's dog, Georgie Girl, was huge...but someone forgot to tell her. Much to Jeanie's delight she thought she was a lap dog.

Jeanie helped everyone she could, driving to doctor appointments, visiting the sick and lonely, taking food to anyone she thought of...and personally greeted each person walking into Relief Society every Sunday.

Dear Jeanie created (old style) cut and paste handouts each week to accompany the lesson. This would take hours of cutting out the flowers or birds and such of old greeting cards and stationary then pasting them to a folded half sheet of paper. She then added a hand written message adding a scripture in direct relationship to the lesson for 35-40 sisters each week.

She went to Young Women's and Primary to be sure each sister got her message.... hand made with great love and dedication to her calling. Her calling was Relief Society Greeter, and so it was she greeted> and then greeted some more, abundantly.

After church, Jeanie went to the sisters homes who were not able to attend that day and delivered their message of hope and peace.

Simple acts of kindness, simple talks over herbal tea, simple visits and humble serving have brought me to a better understanding of true Charity. 

Jeanie was a beacon of God's light, a shinning example of the extra mile and the purpose of being a true disciple of Christ. She gave more than was asked, blessed more than was expected and more importantly she loved without judgment.

I watched and listened as she slowly hobbled along the path of righteousness. Her body weak and joints screaming, she sang the song of redeeming Love.

Jeanie and Georgie Girl are among my sweetest memories deep in the bottom of my LeafyTeaPot.

 It could always be worse

When I know someone is praying for me, I tend to care more about what I am doing, watch my 

 my thoughts and even actions. I take inventory of my attitude, adjusting it as needed. 

Yet my own perspective is so veiled and limited ...of myself of course. 

I see through my own mind and feel through my own heart. I can't know what others see, exactly.

How will I know if the changes I make, if any, are good enough, are of benefit?
Can I make life "better" for all in my circle of influence
including myself.
 

Relying on my own vision of reality often is an unsure mountain. Rocks are tumbling down in my path, sharp rugged edges leading to valleys below, so I ask, why did I come this way. I wonder if I should have chosen different. 

But choosing is what I did, and do, in order to end up ....somewhere. 

Somewhere good, happy, loving, peaceful, beautiful, and shared.

I wonder if all of those "places" are already on my path and I see only the falling rocks and jagged edges?
Is it possible to climb so fast or so slow or with only one focus, I miss the segments of joy....set before me by God? 

I had a patient for a few years who was blind, one comment that was made regularly by this individual was 

"It could always be worse". 

The trials besetting this patient were overwhelming and I was thankful I did not have that set of obstacles. 

At least for today.... I will raise my head a little higher, walk away from pain as if it were just a tiny bug coming my way with no intention of biting me.... I will look into the eyes of whomever I talk to and look for something I have never seen before.... I will ask God to open a crack of the window of Heaven and teach me deeply.
Tomorrow, as we all know is another day....
And if I were blind, I would not see the rocks coming my way, I would not observe visually, the sharp edges. 
I hope I would feel the warm sun, the steady arm of the one leading the way, and all the while 
realizing "it really could be worse" ...
but today, IT isn't. 

 

There's no way to know.... unless you know~!

We can stand on the edge of a hill, gaze into an ocean vast deep and powerful.

We can watch someone in pain with brokenness of spirit or body, even of soul.

Driving we look in our rear view mirror, see faces, laughing, singing, yelling, staring.

Then there are the faces before us, doing the same things, just like us.

We can read about a far away land, learn a language, follow a Greek recipe, visit an art museum.

We could even paint a sail boat, eat tomatoes, watch a preacher on television.

Walking along a side walk we will see children, mothers, fathers, grandparents, pets.

In airports we find sweethearts, missionaries, lonely travelers, weaving through so many others.

Souls on a journey, seeing but not hearing, hearing but not seeing, talking but not listening.

Hoping, wishing, praying, reaching, sharing, pleading, lending, pushing, hugging..................

How do we know the things we don't know? How can we trust what we see is real?

How does the sun set and the moon rise, the skin repair, hearts mend, people leave?

There is just no way to feel ...... unless..... You Feel~!

 There is just no way to care..... unless..... You Care~!

  There is just no way to know..... unless .... You Know~!

Life is about the learning, loving, understanding, feeling, following your good heart. 
Nothing is too hard, no road to long, no energy wasted if it is for the cause of Love. 

There is just no way to know how to love....unless....You Love~!
Then.........You Know~!  Then....... You Feel.....  Then..... You Care~!

The Gypsy in Me.

I love driving.  

Sometimes I see myself....
Cranking up the tunes - from Carole King, Cat Stevens, to the 80's  Boy Bands, even Big Bands from my moms day.........headed across country with a bunch of money and no plans. Just drive and groove.
I would stay in nice places and eat clean healthy food.
I would visit libraries, monuments, temples and shop at thrift stores.

Some days would be spent dozing in the sun pool side, and every day would be shared with lots of people. I would ask questions, share stories with all willing to tell them and hear them.
Taking pictures, watching softball games, scouting out farms just for the memory of my young days would highlight my travel.

Avoiding malls, big grocery stores and other crazy places would be a serious goal.

Just give me some bucks and I could go.... and keep going until the bucks run out.

Someone just tell me why I have this gypsy thing running through my veins.
Why do I love the open road, small little towns and big cities where I could get lost and not even care.
Funny, I don't want to see Hawaii, or even Disneyland... like everyone else.

It is certain I will never become this gypsy person for real,
however in my dreams, there is no stopping me:)

The Story

Stories if never told are never known.
And so it goes......
Because LIFE is a story*** Indeed a history of ones very existence Must be told.

Important memories fade into sunsets that never burst into beams of flowing light
if not repeated.
O, for mornings, reminding us a new day has dawned, a new page on our
story is beginning
to fill up and over flow.

Imagine the wise men basking in the new born light of the Son of God, the shepherds
reveling in being so close to the Redeemer of all mankind,
yet went back to their assigned tasks,
forgetting to tell their story, His story.

Consider medical histories,
flight documents... all technology that has overpowered our
lives with information.
We earthlings have countless amounts of recorded information
to bless, protect
and inspire future generations.

What does this mean to me and others?
It means MY story is important.
It means I exist.
I am of value.
What I know and more importantly
what I DO with my story,
my empty book at birth, matters.
My story changes everything and everyone.

Recording who I am is vital and so is
accounting for others.

I am not a history buff, genius, or
devoted to ancient makings of the nation
and world as my husband.
It is his passion and love,
but from a different angle to be sure.

Don't make me read or teach from
two inch hard backs, of how the west was won.
Just sit me down face to face
with a soul I can learn from, connect with
and be a witness for, Ahhh a harmonious cord is struck deep within.

O, Value is in the eye of our Creator. In the ... heart, mind, flesh and belly .
Here in lies ::THE STORY

Hannah from Nigeria

I saw her walking through the circle of water where the current is against the walk
I asked if she came each day
Yes, she does
Yes, she loves the water

and she told me more.....

She is the only black woman at the Rec center
She has 5 sons who take good care of her and often
Her husband left when her youngest child was 9 years old
He is now 29
She has 14 grandchildren


She has worked as a C.N.A in Hospice and Home Health for years
She has a bad back now
She loves people, all people, with all she has
She will take me with her to Nigeria

She loves Heavenly Father and Jesus.
She said when we love others we are loving >Them
She gave me a hug
She looked deep in my eyes as we walked through the pool
She repeated her love for her Heavenly Father and her family

She is Hannah from Nigeria, and we are sisters

Creative Lying / Lecture to Myself

This is about making the most of the time you have left.
About saying and doing the things that matter without causing more confusion and worry.

Since coming to grips with my mother's terminal illness, knowing it may take years to finalize,
I have realized that telling her the truth all the time is not in her best interest.

Example one: Mom: "Don't lock the door, I don't have a key"
Me: "Yes you do it's in your purse"
Mom: "Where I don't see it"
Me: "In the zipper part where your coins are"
Mom: "How do you know that"
(getting a bit irritated now) (both of us, sadly, because this conversation has taken place so many times)
Me: "Let me show you" and I do......
FIVE SECONDS LATER IT STARTS OVER AGAIN>>>>>

New conversation example: Mom: "Don't lock the door, I don't have a key"
Me: " Okay" (but I did lock the door and keys are everywhere)
end of conversation, she is happy.

Are you surprised at this true confession?
I am more interested in always being truthful so it has been a challenge to learn the art of creative lying to my mom.

One more illustration for effect or affect (?) those words always confuse me. I have to look them up to see which one I want to use. But not today, maybe both definitions apply.

Me: "Mom, I am going to take you to Linda's now for dinner"
then she will bring you home". Tom will be coming to visit
when you get back" (too much info at once)
Mom: "How do you know that I am invited to Linda's"
Me: " It is Sunday and you are always invited to Linda's on
Sunday for dinner"
Mom: "How will I get home" "Is the door locked?"
Me: (the really stupid me) " Someone will bring you"
Mom: "Then I will be alone" :( sadness)
Me: (still the really stupid me) "No you won't be alone Tom will be
probably be here when you get home and Nan too.
Mom: "I wonder what I will do alone when you are gone"
Me: "I promise you won't be alone, Someone will be here"
Mom: "How do you know" ..."How will I get home?"
Me: (the smarter me) "Linda will bring you home for sure"
Mom: "Linda will bring me home?" "How will we get in my house"
Me: "Yes, Linda will bring you home and stay with you
" "The door is not locked"

The door IS locked, keys everywhere and with everyone. But the most important thing is she has gleaned what she can understand and process.
The information Highway has been hijacked and the hunt is on for ways to be one step ahead of the criminal traversing her mind.
I can tell you it is almost impossible.
After one interesting conversation between the two of us where we locked horns,
I said "Mom, I am sorry I have been a bit of a pill, I really love you. "She said, Honey, it's fine, you have always been a bit of a pill since you were knee high to a grasshopper and I am fine" I just don't worry about it and I really love you"

Saying things like "I told you"......
OR "Remember mom .....
OR the most painful to her is saying thinks such as :
"OK we will take the dog (or whatever it is) so you don't say over and over and over again " Where is my_____? Did I bring my _______?

Memory loss with Alzheimer's takes away the newest memory.
Within 15 minutes of the family being gone on Christmas day
(about 30 people)
she had no idea we had just had a huge noisy messy Christmas.

Some may believe that since Creative Lying is okay in my book, then, some other forms of lack of genuine caring are okay as well because she will forget right away.
What she does not forget is her perception of how others feel about her.

I would say that is a trait of human nature that sticks with us unto death and into the next life.

Since we are our brother's keeper and we have been instructed to care for the sick, widows and fatherless....etc, it would make sense to follow that teaching with all our hearts and for the right reason.
Giving a gift because you have to is not a well received gift.
Giving the gift of resounding Christ like Love is the gift of selfless service.

Having been given the gift of life itself by our Creator, our Father and our God reminds us
of the true and proper way to give to each other.
With full purpose of heart.

Creative lying means keeping your values and principles without causing any distress
to the ill person with Alzheimer's.
Creative lying means protecting the tender childlike emotions of the Alzheimer's
patient, because some things are not worth the confusion the truth will cause.
IN MY ATTEMPT TO REMEMBER ALL OF THIS
HERE IT IS IN PRINT~!

^^YOU Raise ME UP^^

In the words of Josh Groban
"You Raise Me Up"

When I am down and Oh my soul so weary, when troubles come and my heart burdened be,
then I am still... and wait here in silence
until you come and sit a while with me.
You raise me up~!

.......I am strong when I am on your shoulders,
You raise me up to more than I can be.

Alzheimer's patients are counting on US for just that.
Now trouble has come
Hearts feel burdened
They wait, often in silence, for us to come and sit a while
there by, is the raising up!


“Blessed be the Lord, which hath not left thee this day without kinsman … and a nourisher of thine old age.” (Ruth 4:14–15)

“It won’t be easy, but it will be one of the choicest experiences you will ever share as a family, and you will be pleasantly surprised at the blessings that will come.”
(Joy Saunders Lundberg)

Love

Kindness

Sharing

Engaging

Laughing

Assisting

Protecting

Redirecting

Empathizing

Confirming

Reassuring

all in a day and a life

knowing I will never be perfect at it.

Come what may and LOVE it

Joseph B. Worthlin

Comfort Care

Since we are souls with spirits and bodies, I imagine myself faced with Alzheimer's Disease and know in my soul that my spirit would long for home.... Eternal home.
My body would be no longer be important to house my spirit or carry my soul through experiences I won't understand or have the ability to care about.

"Observance means first of all listening and looking carefully at what is being revealed in the suffering. An intent to heal can get in the way of seeing."
Thomas Moore from the book "Care of The Soul"

There are many ways to interpret that comment.

I just pose two questions:

Is it moral, Is it right to provide Comfort Cares only for a person in moderate stage of Alzheimer's who prays continually and ask others to pray the same prayer...To Be set free. To leave her mortal body, joining her beloved mother and father. For her soul to have the peace it desires?

If there is a lesson for others to learn, can it not be one of a level of Charity and Compassion not yet realized?

The Point of The Mountain

The Point of the Mountain, as two neighboring counties call the curved freeway where the prison sits on one side and a gravel quarry on the other is somewhat of a landmark.
It is a Paragliding paradise, especially if one does not land on the wrong side of the point.

Recently as I was approaching the Point of the Mountain on I 215, the sky become darker, the wind picked up, then snow flurries appeared.
Not much more than to tell about getting around the point that day
...then there are other days and nights.

When snow falls and temperatures drop in the counties north and south of the point I plan on the point being treacherous. It is close to the point where I have prayed fast and furious for help to make it to the other side.
At times considered turning back if possible or pulling over and waiting it out for fear of a serious consequence.

I have traveled this path hundreds of times and so far made it safely through to the other side, always knowing there are
fellow travelers, incident management teams
as well as emergency responders who can rescue
long enough to
get me back on my path.

I am headed towards a different Point, with my mother
who has
Alzheimer's disease.
We share this journey, yet each headed for
very different outcomes.

Times are frightening and stressful, with no way to back out or turn around
The bleak moments are as though we are surrounded in a
white out, not able to see what lies ahead.
The truth is, neither of us wants to struggle through the maze of
insecurity and the feelings of being alone on the path around the point.

Having been on this "road" before, I see it has changed...the weather
is off and on, clear then foggy.
Yet my resolve has never been more intense. My understanding of what must be, has been written in my heart.

Those who travel with us will find God is leading the way.
We are not forging new territory really...
however foreign it may feel.
We do have tender mercies of the incident management and rescue teams,
as well as fellow travelers who will gently set us back
on the path to eternal rest.

Come along for the ride, if you would like.
I forsee a bright, clear, longed for view as
we get around the bend and past the pain.
I see many joys, laughs, and sincere hours of
abounding Love, melding our hearts together forever
erasing the sorrow we thought would break us apart.