This is about making the most of the time you have left.
About saying and doing the things that matter without causing more confusion and worry.
Since coming to grips with my mother's terminal illness, knowing it may take years to finalize,
I have realized that telling her the truth all the time is not in her best interest.
Example one: Mom: "Don't lock the door, I don't have a key"
Me: "Yes you do it's in your purse"
Mom: "Where I don't see it"
Me: "In the zipper part where your coins are"
Mom: "How do you know that"
(getting a bit irritated now) (both of us, sadly, because this conversation has taken place so many times)
Me: "Let me show you" and I do......
FIVE SECONDS LATER IT STARTS OVER AGAIN>>>>>
New conversation example: Mom: "Don't lock the door, I don't have a key"
Me: " Okay" (but I did lock the door and keys are everywhere)
end of conversation, she is happy.
Are you surprised at this true confession?
I am more interested in always being truthful so it has been a challenge to learn the art of creative lying to my mom.
One more illustration for effect or affect (?) those words always confuse me. I have to look them up to see which one I want to use. But not today, maybe both definitions apply.
Me: "Mom, I am going to take you to Linda's now for dinner"
then she will bring you home". Tom will be coming to visit
when you get back" (too much info at once)
Mom: "How do you know that I am invited to Linda's"
Me: " It is Sunday and you are always invited to Linda's on
Sunday for dinner"
Mom: "How will I get home" "Is the door locked?"
Me: (the really stupid me) " Someone will bring you"
Mom: "Then I will be alone" :( sadness)
Me: (still the really stupid me) "No you won't be alone Tom will be
probably be here when you get home and Nan too.
Mom: "I wonder what I will do alone when you are gone"
Me: "I promise you won't be alone, Someone will be here"
Mom: "How do you know" ..."How will I get home?"
Me: (the smarter me) "Linda will bring you home for sure"
Mom: "Linda will bring me home?" "How will we get in my house"
Me: "Yes, Linda will bring you home and stay with you
" "The door is not locked"
The door IS locked, keys everywhere and with everyone. But the most important thing is she has gleaned what she can understand and process.
The information Highway has been hijacked and the hunt is on for ways to be one step ahead of the criminal traversing her mind.
I can tell you it is almost impossible.
After one interesting conversation between the two of us where we locked horns,
I said "Mom, I am sorry I have been a bit of a pill, I really love you. "She said, Honey, it's fine, you have always been a bit of a pill since you were knee high to a grasshopper and I am fine" I just don't worry about it and I really love you"
Saying things like "I told you"......
OR "Remember mom .....
OR the most painful to her is saying thinks such as :
"OK we will take the dog (or whatever it is) so you don't say over and over and over again " Where is my_____? Did I bring my _______?
Memory loss with Alzheimer's takes away the newest memory.
Within 15 minutes of the family being gone on Christmas day
(about 30 people)
she had no idea we had just had a huge noisy messy Christmas.
Some may believe that since Creative Lying is okay in my book, then, some other forms of lack of genuine caring are okay as well because she will forget right away.
What she does not forget is her perception of how others feel about her.
I would say that is a trait of human nature that sticks with us unto death and into the next life.
Since we are our brother's keeper and we have been instructed to care for the sick, widows and fatherless....etc, it would make sense to follow that teaching with all our hearts and for the right reason.
Giving a gift because you have to is not a well received gift.
Giving the gift of resounding Christ like Love is the gift of selfless service.
Having been given the gift of life itself by our Creator, our Father and our God reminds us
of the true and proper way to give to each other.
With full purpose of heart.
Creative lying means keeping your values and principles without causing any distress
to the ill person with Alzheimer's.
Creative lying means protecting the tender childlike emotions of the Alzheimer's
patient, because some things are not worth the confusion the truth will cause.
IN MY ATTEMPT TO REMEMBER ALL OF THIS
HERE IT IS IN PRINT~!
