Left Behind

Mom, with Alzheimer's, changes

before your eyes.
She leaves you behind as she looks out from a glass with no reflection.

Another, walks out, unexpectedly changes the rules of the relationship, with little warning.
Leaving you crying out for answers to the questions you will never get to ask.

Ben attempts to fix all the hurts,
 understand all the pain.
Then enters heaven, in an instant, no hesitation, but leaving is still leaving.

When the final curtain comes down we hope to find all who have "left us behind".
To see they were in the wings all the time, cheering, keeping vigil as we take a few more bows.

In the meantime if I can help it just one little bit.... I will leave no one behind to grieve alone.
Grief is hard enough when there are answers, pain is hard enough when you know the cure.

It is the constant agony of not knowing, wondering and wishing for a glimpse into reason.
This is what churns in the weakening heart of the one who knows the meaning of being left behind.

The er's of this life

These.... er   words show up so often>> Prettier, stronger, taller, shorter, thinner, wiser, tougher, healthier, nicer, happier, sillier, sweeter, faster, slower, better .... and on it goes. 

On occasion I have been able to see myself as wiser, smarter, slower, thinner, as well as many other er's. The er's never have an end. When is the sought after er enough? 

So I realize the er's for me are going to stop. Choosing to live more fully in the moment, strive to be grateful for exactly where I am and let it be, as the Beatles so nicely sang. I love the idea of embracing the agony and sorrows as openly as the blissful joys. 

God wants a people who are committed to coming unto him, but the completion of our journey is only upon his final say, His making up the difference in qualifying us for Eternal life. 

Going towards the goodness in life to the best of my ability, growing line upon line and precept on precept is the path offered to every soul. 

When my son died, yes, died, I knew he had done all that was required of him. He suffered, planned, sought for understanding, to the very best of his God given ability. He was taken in an instant from his life of pain, regrets and sorrow. In the end he gave himself to God, with no er's attached. I watched as he climbed to a holy place within God's love and the Savior of all mankind bridged this gap and brought him home, into his loving arms....freed from worldly er's. 

As Ben prepared to go home to Heavenly Father, he marked some scriptures that made a difference to him.
 (found in the Book of Mormon) Ether 12: 5-6  "And it came to pass that Ether did prophesy great and marvelous things unto the people, which they did not believe, because they saw them not.  And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, disput not because ye see not for ye receive not witness until after the trial of your faith."

In reading another passage found in Moroni 7:44-45 we find these simple words....

"he must needs have charity; for if he have not charity he is nothing..... and charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and its not puffed up, seeketh not her own, not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things .... (continuing in v 47) Charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever and whoso is found possessed of it in the last day, it shall be well with him." 

   I do not see any er's in this scripture. In fact I am not sure there are ANY er's within scripture. 

It is clear in my mind the er's that often we place as mandates in our lives are really stumbling blocks and boulders blocking our view to who we really are right now!
Perhaps really seeing with seeking eyes can we recognize the enoughness in others and not participate in judgement, instead only find the common goal of each child of God.....to love and be loved. 

"If we could read the secret history of others we should find in each mans life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility." 

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow